Woman Weapons
by takaondo
Summary: Kuchiki Rukia never loses, especially to some stupid pictures! [Ichiruki] Slight OOC! Oneshot!


Disclaimer: Don't own bleach!

So here I am, working on a new chapter for my other story, while _eating candy_. As we all know, candy never does well for the calm, and I went on an immediate sugar high! Here's the result of it, with about 20 minutes of work. Random and slightly OOC, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! Bahahahahah!

-

-

* * *

Kuchiki Rukia was sitting comfortably in the living room, going over several magazines that the Kurosaki family had laying around. Rukia had asked Isshin for some fashion magazines, and he had come out with boxes full of them. Looking around, she noticed that Ichigo still wasn't back from the grocery store.

"Nee-san? What are you reading?" Kon said, popping up on her shoulder. The lion plushie was instantly flicked off by an annoyed Rukia. She held up the magazine, looking at it curiously.

"I'm studying the modern woman." Rukia said, looking at it. "They really have no shame nowadays, don't they? All these women, their-"

"Ah! It's paradise on earth!" Kon said, looking at the pictures. Rukia's eyebrow rose as she stared at Kon, who was drooling over the pictures of glamorous women. She was slightly confused… guys actually liked this kind of stuff?

"I'm home." Ichigo said, entering the house. He walked over to the two, who were reading something on the couch. Looking over her shoulder, his face turned red as the bag he was holding dropped.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU READING!?"

Rukia looked up at him with mild surprise. She only tilted her head slightly before answering.

"I'm studying the modern woman, your dad gave me all these." She said, pushing the magazine up towards him. Ichigo backed away, refusing to look at the pictures of scandalous women.

"OI!" He yelled angrily, a blush on his face as he closed his eyes tightly. Rukia glance at him, a frown on her face as she put it back on her lap. Kon, who was smirking the entire time, jumped on top of the couch.

"I know what's wrong." He said, his paw under his chin. "You're actually very shy-"

_**WHACK!**_

"Shut up!" Ichigo said, still red. Kon flew smack into the wall, bouncing off with a squeak. It stood up angrily, its face smacked flat from the force.

"So it is true!" Kon said victoriously. Rukia stared at Ichigo, who was literally about to explode. Kon ran around the room, evading Ichigo's grasp by inches every single time. Rukia merely went back to reading her magazine.

"Oi Ichigo…" She said, as Ichigo finally stepped on Kon. "Why don't you ever act like that when you look at me?" She asked blankly. Both Ichigo and Kon, who was held in his hand at that moment, turned to her. Ichigo flushed lightly, scratching the back of his head.

"I don't know how to answer that." Ichigo said truthfully. Rukia looked slightly disheartened but tried not to show it. Kon yelled out loudly.

"Don't listen to him Nee-san! Your valley of-"

"DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!" Ichigo said, smacking him to the floor. Rukia sighed lightly, as she thought over it. Looking at all the women in the pictures, she glowered lightly. If they could have such an effect on Ichigo, then why didn't she? Kuchiki Rukia felt inferior, and her eyes looked quite determined to prove her own self wrong.

She just needed a mentor. Knowing that Matsumoto was out of the picture right now, she was going to ask the next best person.

"Ichigo, I'm going to see Yoruichi." Rukia said, hopping off the couch. Ichigo glanced over his shoulder to see her putting on her shoes.

"Remember, we're going to the park later, so don't stay too long!" Ichigo yelled, getting a nod from Rukia. Kon walked up to Ichigo as he sat down on the couch. Staring at the lion, Ichigo scowled.

"What?"

"Don't you like Nee-san-" **_SQUEAK!_** "OUCH!!! THE COTTON'S COMING OUT! STOP!!!"

Rukia kneeled down in front of a smiling Yoruichi, who agreed to help her. Rukia however, had the feeling that it had been all too easy to convince the woman to help.

"So, you finally admit you like Ichigo?"

"Eh…?"

"Or are you jealous of another girl?"

"EH?"

"Oh I know! You must be trying to seduce-"

"EHHH!? YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG!"

Rukia was blushing madly, her chest heaving up and down as she breathed deeply. Yoruichi smirked at her reaction. This was going to be fun.

"I just want to be more appreciated." Rukia said softly, looking away. "That idiot… he's so dense sometimes…"

"So you do like him." Yoruichi concluded. Rukia smacked the floor with her hands, her face flared with anger. Yoruichi smirked again, wishing she had a camera with her. She was really having too much fun.

"Fight with the best you got, use your woman weapons." Yoruichi said, getting a look of confusion from Rukia.

"Woman weapons?" She asked with slight confusion.

"Woman weapons." She repeated again. Rukia's eye narrowed slightly as she tried to figure out what she meant by that. Yoruichi sighed slightly, before getting up. She signaled her to get up to.

"Alright, Rukia, walk a straight line." She told her. Rukia did as she was told, only to get a frown. "Wrong! Do it again! Swing your hips!"

"Huh!?" Rukia replied. Yoruichi smacked her forehead. This girl… she was just as dense as the strawberry himself.

"Woman weapons." She said again. Rukia looked at her, this time her eyes wide in surprise. She flushed lightly, as she finally realized what she meant. She was not going to enjoy this.

_They went through many training exercises. First was poise_

"Rukia! Be more glamorous!" Yoruichi yelled.

"Yoruichi-san… I can't be glamorous if **I CAN BARELY STAND!**" Rukia retorted, nearly falling over on her heels. Yoruichi sighed as Rukia flapped her arms, trying to stay up.

_The walk._

"Move those hips Rukia! MOVE THEM!"

"I'M TRYING!!!" Rukia said, flushing slightly.

_The talk._

"Now, say something romantic, something alluring."

"Uhhh…"

Ten minutes went past, before Yoruichi gave up with a long sigh. Rukia was still looking up in thought. This was not going as well as she had originally planned, to say the very least.

_Two hours later…_

"Rukia, it has been an excruciating long 2 hours, but we've made some progress." Yoruichi said, a smile on her face. Rukia smiled back, please to hear the comment. "However, one more thing before you leave."

"What's that?" She asked, tilting her head.

"What's your size?" Yoruichi asked innocently. Rukia grimaced slightly at her expression.

Ichigo was waiting patiently at the door, noticing that Rukia was taking a longer time then usual. She had came home over half an hour ago, and had locked herself in the bathroom since then. His old man had wanted a family outing at the park, and of course invited Rukia along. Scowling as he stared at his watch, he walked towards the stairs.

"Oi Rukia! Hurry… up…"

Rukia walked down the stairs, wearing a light blue and white strapless sundress. She wore a white hat on her head, to complement it. She walked lightly down the steps, like she was walking on air. Ichigo stared at her, his mouth opening slowly.

_Target locked._

"How do I look Ichigo?" Rukia said with a sheepish smile. Ichigo's face started to burn up slightly, much to Rukia's pleasure. Ichigo's mouth moved but no sound came out.

_Target confirmed._

"You look… you look…" Ichigo stared. "…Wow…." He finished getting a blush from Rukia. She smiled brightly as she placed her hand in the crook of his arm. Ichigo's face looked like it was about to spew steam from his ears.

_Woman weapons deployed_.

"You look really handsome yourself too." Rukia whispered softly into his ear. Ichigo tripped over the step of the door, falling over. Rukia laughed at him as he stared back with a scowl, a deep blush on his face.

"That's not funny Rukia!"

_Target destroyed._

* * *

Not the best work in the world, but I hope you enjoyed it. R+R 


End file.
